3:46am (A Short Story)

The fridge vibrated, shaking its contents as it spluttered to life, like an old man clearing his chest in the middle of the night. The silence shattered, it was the only indication that time was passing. Everything else was still and silent. Even the house had ceased its normal creaks and groans as if the normal effort in holding the weight of bricks and mortar was for once tolerable.


I stood barefoot, naked except for a pair of boxer shorts, in the kitchen looking through the window out into the garden. It was a beautiful clear night, the stars visible against the inky blue-black sky and not a cloud in sight as far as you could see. I could see the light from the full moon in the garden, painting a silver shimmer on everything it touched.


Something had woken me and forced me to come downstairs to investigate. A glance at the clock showed it was now 3:43am. I’d been stood here for three minutes in, the fridge aside, silence.


Nothing moved inside or out. I could hear my breathing, slowly in and out; my chest barely moving. My heart beating was now audible; slow and steady. My body was behaving as if it were asleep but I was stood in the kitchen with my eyes open and I was fully aware that I was.

Another glance at the clock showed it was 3:46am. I decided that there was nothing going on and started to turn when I saw a flash across the window. A streak of white light so fast that I could have easily missed it, or imagined it.


My heart rate quickened and my breathing rate increased. I remained still, rooted to the spot. There had been something.


I took two steps forward closer to the window. My feet a little sticky from a cold sweat that was forming on my body. I looked down towards the ground, there on the grass was a small metal object. It was so shiny it looked like it was made of mirrors, around it was a small impact trench, mud exposed from where the object hit the ground and then slid to a stop.


Everything else was still silent. The clocked was frozen at 3:46am.


I turned away from the window and back around towards the patio doors. I would need to go outside and take a closer look at what ever it was had just landed in my lawn. My adrenaline was spiked now and my heart and breathing were rapid. I was feeling a mixture of nerves and excitement, like riding a rollercoaster - you know you will be ok but that doesn’t stop you feeling scared.


I unlocked the door and stepped out. The night air was cool and my skin immediately turned to goose flesh. I walked across the patio on the balls of my feet in small steps, ready to spring away if necessary. All my senses were now online ready to react to anything that changed. This was real fight or flight.


I stood a metre or so from the object. It was spherical and about the size of a grapefruit but looked to be made of mirrors. There were no joins to the mirrors and the finish was so polished that it was almost too bright to look at, like a small sun.


I crouched down to look closer, shielding my eyes from its glare, there were no markings at all. Even the earth where it had just landed had not stuck to the object.


I edged closer, completely focussed on the object, and reached out to touch it. As I did so there was a sound, a small vibration. I stopped but left my hand where it was, hovering above the object. My fear seemingly gone I placed my hand gently on top of the object. The vibrations were louder now but I realised that I was feeling them rather than hearing them. As I had got closer I had picked up on them physically. Bringing my feet closer I reached out with my other hand and grasped the object in both hands.


It was warm, incredibly smooth and vibrated like it was humming a tune. Now I held it I could feel the changes in the vibrations pitch and frequency. Standing, I lifted the object from the earth. The dirt fell away leaving the object spotless. It was almost weightless.


I held it in my hands staring at it and seeing my own reflection. I turned to the house and steadily walked back across the patio, through the doors which I kicked closed and into the kitchen.


The clocked flashed 3:46am. Still.

I placed the object onto the kitchen counter, it rolled silently a half-turn then stopped, like I had put it down the wrong way up. I stared at it, now completely in tune with the vibrations that emanated.


I stood there for I don’t know how long just staring, mesmerised by the vibrations. I snapped myself out of it and opened a drawer looking for something with which to open it. I grabbed the can opener but put it back down as quickly as there was no edge for this to grip. Scissors, not wide enough. Knife? Maybe the bread knife, a serrated edge should be able to cut through.


Holding the bread knife in my hand I was struck by inertia. Unable to move my hand forward. I forced myself to, placing the blade onto the object. No change.


As I started to saw the object shimmered; its surface turning to liquid then flashing back to solid in an instant. As it did this the teeth on the knife splintered and fell onto the counter. The knife rendered useless. The vibrations were different now too, more intense and growing to aggressive.


I put the knife down, and continued to stare at the object. The vibrations were oscillating and held me in a trance. I knew what was happening but could not change my position or action. I knew what I was doing but what I was doing was not my own will. I wondered if this is what being hypnotised was like.


I felt totally relaxed, held captive by the object, under its spell. I started to move closer, my head lowering down until my forehead was almost resting on it. When I was barely half a centimetre away it happened. Blindingly quick the object changed again, flashing liquid on the surface and releasing a needle as thin as cotton, as hard as titanium and so hot the air condensed around it sending small clouds of steam into the room.


The needle pierced my head. My head did not move, there was no impact, my head did not offer any resistance. As it entered I was aware of heat, a sensation spreading from my head and filling my body. As it spread it cooled towards my extremities.


The needle was inside my brain; I could feel it but felt no pain. The heat replaced with an icy sensation. I had not moved.


The vibrations from the object were now being channelled through the needle and into my head. This was gentle at the start then grew to an almost audible crescendo as it started an upload of information. It was using my brain as a hard drive.


Fantastical images of plants, creatures, landscapes and technology from other worlds. Vibrant colours and sounds, plants that could walk; plants that changed colours and spat coloured venom into the air like fireworks. Creatures as big as dinosaurs, some with long necks and many heads, others short and fat, some were able to fly, horse like creatures covered in feathers in almost luminous colours. There were fish that could fly, being fired from the water like missiles and soaring into the sky. Huge numbers of bird-like creatures with many wings flying in huge swarms blocking the sun and creating a cacophony with their chatter.


Landscapes rich in colour and texture, shimmering light from multiple suns, mountain ranges as far as the eye could see blocking the horizon, gas released from the earth under such pressure the plumes shot miles into the air. Images of people infused with technology, metal limbs and mind implants, able to control the environment with their minds.


Thousands of slightly inhuman faces flashed in front of me. Moving so fast they blurred into one. Faces that were not human but not so different as to be alien.


Mathematical texts and equations thundered into my brain, star charts and language all fighting for space inside my head. My eyes were flickered and rolled back into my head – I could no longer see.


The upload continued at an incredible pace, I was being forced out of my own head. My thoughts, feelings and memories all thrust aside and deleted by pure, aggressive and consuming information. My childhood was the last thing to go, my last memory being of playing on a slide in the garden with my best friend at the time. I was wearing shorts, even though it was winter, I must have been 5. As quickly as it bubbled to the surface it was gone.


The pace did not abate for what seemed like hours, days and more. I started to shake, tremor after tremor rising within me. Wave after wave of physical jerks and ticks coursed from my feet to my head. Some were so strong I was forced off the ground, like the ground beneath me was so hot I could no longer stand on it. Landing then immediately taking off again as another wave punished me.

I turned to the clock, forcing my eyes forward I tried to focus. This was the very last thing I did as me. Everything I had done everything I was and everything I could have been had been deleted and replaced.


3:46.

I don’t know what happened next…

Swimming 10km with Diabetes

Yesterday (12/09/2010) was the OSS River Dart 10km swim event from Totnes to Dittisham. It was a great event and i have blogged about it here. 

This was a challenge on a mental and physical level but also presented challenges to me regards my diabetes and how to control it in an event of this nature.

I had checked with the organisers up fron what the nutrition availability would be and was advised that there would be aid stations every 2/2.5km. Not able to really carry anything myself it was important to know that so i could make the necessary plans.

What i had planned was to start with a high blood sugar and then keep it topped up at each feed station. With around 30-40minutes between stations it would be vitally important not to miss one and to make sure i took fuel on board. I had also put a couple of gels and packet of glucose tablets on the support boat so that if things went wrong i could get what i needed quickly. To this end the organisers were well prepared with anyone with medical concerns being given a white hate to enable quick identification by the support crews.

When i got up at 5am my blood sugar was 11.7mmol. I ate breakfast of ready brek in the van on the way and gave myself 3 units of Lantus. I then ate a Trek flapjack about an hour later. When we arrived in Totnes i did a blood test and my blood was around 10mmol with around 1.5hrs to the start. 

With about 45mins to the start i ate a couple peices of cake to give me a boost. I then got changed and was ready to go to the start. The last thing i did was another blood test. My blood sugar was 17mmol. Higher than i was expecting or than i really wanted but i figured that the only way it was going was down and that if the worse came to the worse i could sort it out at the end.

At each aid station there was half mars/snickers bars available and powerade. At each of the three stations i ate a peice of chocolate and had a drink. Very aware that in an event such as this symptons of a hypo may be masked i made sure at each aid station to take a few seconds and make sure i felt ok. 

At each station i felt fine and was able to push on with confidence. Also the number of support people also gave me confidence that were i to get into difficulty i would be able to get assistance very quickly.

At the end of the event i picked up my kit and did a blood test. The reading was 6.5mmol. Perfect!

I ate some rice and ratatouille not bothering with an injection as previous training and competition experience has shown me that after an event there's no need for insulin as this often leads to a hypo. 

All in all the nutrition ended up being perfect although this  was a little by luck as i was not expecting to be so high at the start. Propbably a better approach could have been to be lower at the start and to then fuel more during the swim.

It's all experience though and next time i'll be better prepared!

The OSS Dart 10k Swim - 12/09/2010

A couple of months ago Martin sent around an email from the OSS to see if anyone was interested in doing a 10k swim down the River Dart from Totnes to Dittisham. He meant this as a joke but today we did it.

After deciding against camping and B&B options in and around Totnes for the Saturday night we settled on driving down on the Sunday morning. Meeting at Esporta in Gloucester with Mark taking us down in the mystery machine (VW Transporter). We set off at 5:30 with the Tom-Tom confirming a 2hr trip. There was lots of snacking and hydration taking place in the car with rice pasta salads, jam and peanut butter sandwiches and cold porridge all being eaten in preparation.

We got to Totnes after an uneventful journey around 7:45. There was a small throng of people gathered and hanging around the registration. The sun was not fully up and so temperatures were on the low side, I regretted wearing shorts! The toilets were a little walk away and with all that hydration is an inevitable consequence! Not only for the three of us but seemingly for everyone else involved too!

Registration was simple enough although we all had to complete the form that we had already completed online previously. The volunteers on the registration desk were all very nice, helpful and friendly despite the early start and that it was cold!

The event, it wasn't a race, was to start from 9am in four waves. Wetsuit compulsory with exceptions by prior agreement only. Waves determined by how fast you could swim a mile were set. Martin was in Wave 1, Mark in Wave 2 with me in Wave 4. 

Martin got himself kitted up, sucking in the gut as much as possible in the unforgiving wetsuit, something i think all the men did at one point if not every point where they were out of water! He was to go off first. Nerves were kicking in and the usual banter started up. In reality that he completed this swim is pretty incredible when you consider that last year he could not swim. In less then 12months he's gone from that to having completed the UK Ironman triathlon and now a 10km swim. Inspiration for anyone who think that they "cannot"...

There was safety briefing (i learned that hypothermia can still set in up to 6hrs post immersion which is pretty scary really) and then they were underway, a little late, getting into the water around 9:20. 

Mark was in the second wave and got away around 20minutes after Martin. Running late the organisers were running around the car park to get wave 4 away as close to on time as possible.

Wave 4 started at 10:08 - very precise and i can only remember as i was asked the time by a couple of people around me. I was nervous getting in to the water as everything had been about the temperature of the water and how to keep warm. 

The Wave 4 start:




(i'm there somewhere!!)

• keep a steady rhythm on the swim to keep your core warm, 
• wear a wetsuit as minimum and maybe gloves and swim boots too
• at the finish get changed into warm clothes as soon as possible, inc. hat etc...

Getting into the water i was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't that cold. I was wearing swim boots, wetsuit and two swim caps (with my Zoggs Predator goggles too). I dived in and set off. Then there was the shock, my forehead was freezing. Right above my eyes where my head was pushing through the water it was really painful. This did calm down and really for the rest of the swim i was pretty comfortable. Occasionally i felt cold in my quads which was remedied by remembering to kick while i swim!

The first half of the swim was awesome.....there were aid stations every 2.5km. I was at the second aid station, 5km in, in 01:01:00! I was stunned and thought fleetingly that maybe 2hrs was possible! How naive.

The first 5km was fast as there was some good tidal assistance with the tide going out. As the river widened the tide at the edges of the river dropped off and so it was more about your own steam. Negative splits for me were not going to happen! 

The swim itself was uneventful really and for me that was the difficultt part of the whole event. The last 2.5/3km from the final aid station to the finish was really hard. It was tough physically with my stroke getting more and more ragged and my arms going out wider and wider but there was nothing mentally to get a lift from. No crowd, no-one to cheer and spur you on. It really was about digging in and making it happen yourself. It is this that sets swimming apart from every other event that i have taken part in, whether it be 10km, triathlon or marathon. There's always someone to give you a boost. In that respect swimming is perhaps a truer reflection of your determination and sheer guts...

The finish was visible from just over a km out and on this stretch i made ground on a number of swimmers. Coming into the finish at Dittisham was a surreal experience. Disorientated, exhausted, emotional and unable to stand! My legs were gone from under me and in the thick mud it was quite difficult to stay upright. The organiser was there to offer congratulations and help me and everyone else out of the mud. My legs started feeling like they were mine and so it was time to get my bag and get changed. 

I scanned the other bodies as i made my way to the baggage reclaim looking for Mark and Martin. While i had hoped that i would catch them on the swim i didn't really expect to. I checked my time, i'd completed it in 02:32:55. I was expecting to do around 3hrs-3:30 so was really pleased with the performance.

As i got changed i phoned home to let them know i was still alive - i then spotted Mark looking well and getting changed. Some 20mins or so later Martin emerged from the water looking like a drunk after a fight...clearly in difficulty after more than 4hrs of swimming he got himself together and recovered well. 

A plate of hot food and a couple of cups of laterand we were on the bus back to Totnes. 


The drive home was full of tales of the swim and banter abounding as you'd expect. 


It was an absolutely brilliant day out and an event i will remember for a long time.


The organisation for the event was excellent - all the comms leading up to the day were excellent and straight forward and on the day the number of volunteers and safety staff was excellent. The environment felt very safe and made for a very relaxing experience.