I've been thinking about this blog post for a while. Thinking about
how to convey how I feel right now about running and the challenge
that I miss. I've blogged and tweeted incessantly, even boring myself,
about my latest injury that has seen me sidelined from running since
November 2011.
I have a damaged cartilage that needs a trim. It has taken months to
get the proper diagnosis and almost as long to get onto a wait list. I
am approaching the home straight with, hopefully the operation to be
done in March time. There's then a 2-3 month recovery before I'm back
running.
This will be my longest layoff ever. my last injury was an ACL rupture
in early 2010 that was repaired the same November. The following May I
ran a 41min x-country 10km. I was ecstatic. Mileage steadily increased
over the following months and then this. Frustrating is not the word.
I have felt like crying on more than one occasion. Then felt pathetic
as ultimately this is nothing.
The main problem is that I have felt like I was getting beyond all of
this, all the injuries. Not just twists and sprains but real things
that need intervention. I'd kill for some tendinitis. This then means
I'm not doing what I love. I have never wanted to run more than I do
right now. It's like I am missing out. I hate it. I listen to running
podcasts and it's a double edged sword. Reminding me what I am missing
and motivating me to want to get back to it. I am desperate to get
back to it. I want to achieve something and feel that there is
something in me to achieve something.
I don't mean fast I mean distance, and I mean distance as a type 1
diabetic. I want to do something and feel capable of doing something
that will be hopefully pushing a boundary or two. I blogged, in this
blog, about swimming the River Dart 10km with diabetes and it is one
of my most hit postings.
I think about this stuff all the time. Making plans then trying not
too make plans as I don't want the pressure but I need to know where
I'm heading. Without putting dates to it I would like to do a half
marathon before the end of 2013. That will depend totally on when the
operation takes place. In 2014 I'd like to do a spring marathon and
then maybe an autumn one too. Then in 2015 a 50km and then later in
the year a 50 miler.
I think about this all the time. I google race calendars and try to
figure out the schedule. Like lots of runners. The difference is the
sense of frustration. This now feels a little indulgent and that I'm
complaining like a spoiled brat! I can't run oh poor me. But, well
it's important to me and I can't help that.
Nothing else gets close to satisfying what I get from running.
